i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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