I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
