im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
