Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
