Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
