Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize