Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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