I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
