i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
