I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
