so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So vagazzling was a success
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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