What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
