so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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