last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
