i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
