But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
