Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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