Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize