I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
