Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
