She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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