my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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