you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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