The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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