Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
