first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
