can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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