When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
