Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
