his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
