You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my being single is dangerous.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
