Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
