I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
