Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
