I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
