This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
