i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You have to summon your inner elephant
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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