I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
