She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
