dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
