I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We have so much sex to catch up on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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