We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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