The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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