i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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