she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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