were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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