Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize