I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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