Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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