another moral hangover. fuck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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