I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
