was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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