You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
smell my finger.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
