in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My liver just had a heart attack.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
