What a fucking waste of an outfit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
