oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
