Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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