Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
