Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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