There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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