i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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