oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
