I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
