She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize