If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I checked into jail on foursquare
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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