Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
