Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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