so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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