i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize