Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
