I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize