I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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