i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
