maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
