im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize