omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
