the condom got lost in my hair
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize